Oh Blog It All

Margaret Mason says no one wants to know what I had for lunch. And she’s right because hell, even I don’t want to read about solid packed tinned tuna in brine and Pick ‘n Pay Choice barbecue rice crackers, even if the whole meal was livened up by the minuscule addition of Trim Seafood dressing (which I could eat straight out of the bottle with a spoon). One sentence and I’ve told you everything you never wanted to know about my lunch and I’m left wondering what else I could possibly blog about.

Not that I have much time for blogging mind you. I finally got rid of my house guest and I really ought to write a blog post about people who show up on short notice, extend their stay, do their own laundry and then have the bloody cheek to leave a box of full cream Cadbury’s chocolates lying about. Shocking, absolutely shocking and if it wasn’t for the fact that said house guest will be returning the favour (while I return the chocolates) next month then said blog post would be scathing.

I’ll say no more on that and tell you instead that we’re going up north to celebrate some nuptials. Now, not since my own wedding in ‘05 have I been this excited about a social event. This may have something to do with the fact that not since my own wedding in ‘05 have I been invited to a social event. I realise I may never get another invite in my life so intend to make the most of this one.

First up is acquiring a new outfit. All new dress, shoes and smalls because I want to be remembered as the well dressed drunk chick who was dancing on the tables. If I can manage to shake off another few kilos in the next (less than) three weeks, I’ll be the “no longer fat but not yet thin, well dressed…” etc.

What I don’t want to be remembered as, is the woman in the pretty dress with the potty mouth so I have given up using swear words. This one is tougher then giving up food and chocolate combined. For one thing, I live in Cape Town and I drive myself to work. We’ve also had lots of rain and as every Capetonian I’ve ever met has told me, Capetonians can’t drive in the rain. A muttered “fsck” goes a long way to diffusing some of my road rage.

The other thing is that I quite like Nine Inch Nails. My so-far all time favourite NIN song has to be “Closer” but with my new no swearing policy I’m having a bit of difficulty singing along to the lyrics. Is it better for me to sing “I want to flip you like an animal” or does “I want to fudge you like an animal” roll off the tongue a little easier? I’m thinking that perhaps I should just leave it as is, I mean who am I to question the genius that is Trent Reznor. Also, I could have “Closer” on repeat when I drive to and from work and possibly avoid an aneurysm.

I won’t mention work itself because I don’t blog about work because bitching about deadlines that are handed out willy nilly by people who don’t bother to consult with the plebs who actually have to do the work could get me fired.

So yes, I have a stressful few weeks ahead of me. And I’m doing it without out the aid of chocolate. You’re damn darn right I’m scared.

But I do have a little something that could save my sanity. When it all gets too much for me I will close the lounge curtains, turn up the volume on the hi-fi and re-experience my youth through the sounds of a-ha. I will relive the days when Morten Harket singing the line “touch me” completely devastated me because I could not do as he asked. (Thus began the chocolate addiction).

So please dear reader(s), bear with me through the next 19 days, it’s going to be tough and my lunch may not always be as exciting.

I’m trying to get back into the blogging swing of things. As such, I have set aside one day a week to blog. I started this new programme just last week and already, on week two, something has cropped up, forcing blogging to the back burner.

That something is actually someone who has yet to confirm whether he’ll be cropping up on my doorstep this week, possibly even tomorrow who will be cropping up on my doorstep tomorrow. This would not be a problem if I was the super organised domestic goddess type, but I’m not. Of course I also don’t want him thinking that I’m a total slob either so I’ve spent my afternoon doing what I can to make the place look, shall we say, habitable.

You’d be surprised at just how much needs doing to meet that lowly standard.

First up was cleaning the fridge. There was this nasty pong emanating from there whenever I opened the door. It smelled like something was decomposing in there. I’m pretty good at tossing out the science experiments before they become science marvels but there is a little problem with a drainage duct that gets blocked up every now and then (with what, only the fridge fairy knows and if I were that domestic goddessy type I’d be at it every week with a toothbrush and an ear bud, but I own a PS2 and an extensive game collection, I have priorities).

It’s this blockage that gives off this awful, appetite suppressing smell and I was going to clean it out on Friday (my designated cleaning day, as per the programme mentioned in paragraph 1). Hey, I’m on diet, I could live with the smell until then but my house guest is a tad on the skinny side and really can’t afford to miss any meals. It’s all clean now though and I think the smell is gone so my house guest can help himself to a drink or a snack any time. What message he gets from the fact that the drink and snack choices are Coke Light and Fat Free Yoghurt, ah shoot, it’s short notice and I do my shopping on Thursdays.

Next up was changing the linen in the guest room. This probably should have been changed when the last house guest left in February but as the cat is the only one who uses that room regularly and she didn’t seem to mind, it wasn’t on my priority list either. My guest is going to have to put up with mismatched linen and some dodgy marks (”stains” is such a dirty word) on the duvet cover (sometimes it does double duty as a table cloth) but it doesn’t look to bad. I gave the carpet a sweeping and straightened up and just as soon as my undies are dry (the guest room also does duty as a laundry room) and I can put them away the place won’t look half bad.

As for the rest of the house, well, let’s just say it has that lived in look; my guest did have the option of staying in a hotel. Of course, if he had timed his arrival for Friday I wouldn’t have had to blog about this at all because the cleaning company comes on Thursdays.

Right, now I really have to go, have to get that toilet cleaned before Survivor starts, I have my priorities straight.

I’ll spare you all the details about why I haven’t been blogging, I promise you it wasn’t because anything exciting was happening in my life. On my PS2 console maybe, but not my real life.

Anyway, I’m back and focusing on getting something posted as opposed to getting something perfect posted. Perfection takes time and is seldom achieved and it gets in the way of me actually posting something, so here goes:

Some days it’s very tempting to want to blog about work, specifically some of the people I work with. How totally delightful it would be to lash out at them, no holds barred, to say exactly what I was thinking earlier in the day when their pettiness and stupidity nearly drove me to violence. Very tempting. But I shall refrain from doing so because a) if I did do it then I’d be secretly hoping that they find this blog and know that I am talking about them and b) dreading that they find this blog and expose me.

I’ll have to make do with a gripe session with a fellow co-worker who was simply amazed that I managed to keep it together and didn’t stab someone’s eyes out.

Then, I don’t know how I managed before Liferea (Linux Feed Reader), it just makes keeping up to date with my favourite blogs so much easier. Sadly not all the bloggers I link to have RSS but here’s hoping…

And speaking of keeping up to date, I have been following this story rather closely, frantically checking for updates as often as I can.

Doesn’t matter how much my co-workers annoy me, when I get home in the afternoon there’s my little four-legged furry child waiting for me, sort of happy to see me (but more excited about being let out of the house finally).

I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like for the Magazine Family. I pray for Blaze’s safe and speedy return.