Complimentary
It’s a good thing I didn’t sign up for this because I’d already be behind. Mind you, it’s not the only thing I’m behind on. I was supposed to be on the magic number yesterday as well but I’m still a while away. And it’s okay. I’ve been away on holiday and consumed a ton of junk food and though I’m not getting any lighter, I’m not getting any heavier either. I might just stick where I am, it’s comfortable and maintainable and I’m happy where I’m at. We shall see.
Meanwhile, an open letter to some people who are pissing me off royally.
I state, for the record, that this letter is not addressed to (most of) my family or my friends. Instead it’s addressed to co-workers, acquaintances and the odd neighbour or two. Here’s what I’d like to tell you but lack the courage to actually say:
Dear Person Supposedly Trying To Pay Me A Compliment (I think)
Yes, yes, I lost some weight, actually quite a bit of weight. You noticed, congratulations. You don’t need to point this out to me though. I’m quite observant myself and have noticed that my clothing is too big for me. I’m sharp like that.
What’s that you say, you think I look beautiful? Really? Even though I haven’t washed my hair in a week, I’ve worn the same pair of jeans for two weeks, I think I might even smell a little because it’s been a hot day and judging by the slight damp feeling under my arms I think I may have forgotten the roll-on this morning? I look and feel (and possibly smell) like shit yet you reckon I look beautiful?
Or did you mean my inner beauty? Because I’ve had that all along. Of course back when I was fat (and let’s face it, I may be fat one day again) I used to make an effort on my outward appearance, get the hair, make-up, outfit and accessories perfectly co-ordinated so that the outer matched the inner. Funny, you never seemed to notice then. Which is a pity because back then I really could have done with a kind word, a bit of flattery, a little something that acknowledged my existence.
It’s not your fault though, I understand that. I know it’s bloody difficult for true beauty to shine through those layers upon layers of fat so naturally you never noticed before. Don’t sweat it dude, I didn’t notice it either. But hey, I’m thin now so we can both sit back and bask in the glow of my “inner” beauty.
What I do take exception to though is your going on and on and on about my having lost weight like it’s the single biggest achievement of my adult life and I couldn’t possibly top it even if I did find a cure for cancer. See, there’s plenty of other things I’ve done and achieved in my life and if you’d bothered to get to know me back when I was hiding my light under a fat bushel then you’d know this. I’d love to enlighten you now but I’m busy achieving other things.
Also, I don’t want to tell you how much I’ve lost, I don’t think it any of your business and your opinion on the subject doesn’t count.
I know, you think I’m really pretty angry with you and yes I am, just a little.
Who I’m really pissed off with is myself for standing there like a simpering school girl while you deliver your “compliments” and being ever so grateful that you’re noticing me and paying some attention to me. Man I hate that about myself.
I just don’t know what else to do or say. If I had the courage to tell you all that I’ve written here I would have done so already. But I don’t so I haven’t.
I do, however, know what to say when you ask me how I did it, what my secret is. It’s simple really; I eat less and fuck more.
You go chew on that for a bit.