Navy blue sheets from Sheet Street are not colour fast.

When someone tells you that they are incapable of telling a lie, well they are lying right there. Anyone can and everyone does lie at some point in their lives, even if the lie is just saying what they think someone wants to hear.

The Dave Matthews Band is awesome. And I’d listen to their music if only it didn’t make me cry.

People will think what they will, irrespective of what information and facts they do and don’t have; I can’t control their thoughts. At the end of the day I have to live with myself and as long as I know the truth then that is all that matters to me.

I am loved.

Now, I thank you all for stopping by here and taking the time to read my words. I plan to blog again sometime soon only it won’t be in this space and it won’t be as geek’s girl. When I do blog again it will be as just me, Tracy Lee. And I won’t censor myself anymore either, I will blog it all :-)

Well I managed to not slur my words nor blab my secrets. And then I bent down to pick up the cat and I couldn’t get up again. Even I thought that was funny.

Today’s hangover really isn’t all that bad - OMG am I getting used to this?!? - I’m doing way better than the last time. And I’ve got some fabulous plans for the weekend. Telkom, bless ‘em. are supposed to be installing my ADSL tomorrow.

Tonight though I will be practicing my card playing skills. Apparently if I play them right, well, the prize is one of epic proportions ;-)

PS - my mom now reads this blog, “Hello Mom” so maybe I shouldn’t be posting this sort of thing? What the hell, post away I say, mom’s still young, her heart can take it. I love you Mumzy :-)

/sigh

I don’t think I own a duvet big enough to hide under at this point. Option two is to run away but I just don’t know where to.

Guess that leaves suddenly developing a serious interest in my job, throwing myself into my work and aiming for those sixteen hour work days that seem so vital for success in the corporate world.

I mean who needs a home life anyway, right?

See “life on my own” hasn’t quite turned out how I had hoped it would, how I had imagined it. Things that I thought would happen didn’t and then there are some totally unexpected things I am dealing with right now, or trying to.

There has been a lot of disappointment too and not so long ago I would not have dealt with it very well. If fact I’d be sitting around feeling sorry for myself, beating myself up over the mistakes I’ve made and adding yet more things to my list of regrets.

But not now, not anymore.

I’ve slowly come to realize that I am okay being by myself and being with myself. And just because life did not hand me exactly what I wanted doesn’t mean that there is nothing else out there for me. There is just so much potential in my life right now, so many options that it’s almost overwhelming. Almost. And it’s been there all along actually, it’s just taken some twists and turns in my life for me to finally see it.

So yes, I can take an evening and treat myself to dinner and a movie and enjoy every minute of it. After all, I’m hanging out with my real best friend – me.

* - I have it on good authority, several good authorities actually, that I may refer to myself as such. I don’t necessarily agree but who am I to argue with authority :-p

“Valhalla” - Tom Holt

Yip 2008 has been pretty educational so far and I look forward to the many new things I hope to learn this year. Things like how to sort out my taxes, how to shave my legs without cutting them to shreds, being comfortable in my own skin (and my bikini ;-) and how to communicate with my nearest and dearest yet remain true to myself.

So Happy New Year to me and to you, let’s all make the most of it.

Happy New Year to all of you reading, may you find the happiness you seek in 2008. Cheers, see you next year.

Its been a huge problem but I may have found a solution of sorts this morning, namely:

1) Get to bed at about two in the morning
2) Wake up at five with a pounding headache
3) Head downstairs for a glass of juice so that you can swallow down some painkillers
4) Nearly fall down the stairs because you’re navigating the stairs sans glasses and can’t see a damn thing
5) Head back up stairs, with juice in hand, this time counting the stairs for future reference when next you have to stumble about blindly
6) Spend a good five minutes mucking about with the child proof cap on the bottle of painkillers
7) Break painkillers into tiny pieces and swallow individually because you can’t swallow them whole
8) Crawl back into bed
9) Lie perfectly still while you wait for the painkillers to kick in
10) Finally fall asleep and have sweet dreams about giant Jacuzzis, the Queen of England and lesbians
11) Wake up when painkillers wear off
12) Stumble out of bed, have round two with the child proof cap
13) Swallow down pain killers and lie perfectly still while you wait for them to kick in
14) Fall asleep and have wickedly inappropriate dreams about people you know - bad, bad dreams that are oh. so. good.
15) Wake up and decide that this is all worth blogging about so you write it all down
16) Go back to sleep

Or I could, you know, go to bed at a reasonable hour but then what would I have to blog about?

There is more to Christmas than presents though and for the small price of a three hour drive and half a tank of petrol I got what I really wanted for Christmas, a perfect day with my family. There was the huge lunch with all the trimmings (because my family doesn’t do things by halves) but more importantly there was time spent with people I haven’t seen in too long. Most didn’t know I was going to be there so to see the look of surprise on their faces was the best gift of all.

As my sister said later in the day, we are going to have to stop surprising Granny, she’s going to have a heart attack one of these days.

And I owe an apology to the people living in Polokwane. Folks it if seemed a helluva lot brighter outside on Christmas day than normal then it was probably because I was parading around in nothing more than sun block and a bikini, supposedly working on my tan; next to me Snow White looks like a bronzed beach babe. I’m home now and the bikini is packed away until next year so you can pack away the shades and leave the house again.

Speaking of leaving the house, it seems if I want to make my mother happy I am going to have to get out the house and, uh, do stuff. My mother, God bless her, has decided she is ready to be a grandmother and she’s looking to me to make it happen. Clearly my mother believes in miracles because she was asking me whether I was going to make it happen this year. Uh, no ma, not this year and next year isn’t looking good either. I’m not even sure I want to have children and even if I did it’s not like I can do this by myself.

Mind you, if miracles do happen then it’s entirely possible that when I get home tonight Dave Gahan is waiting on my doorstep. In which case lets hope we don’t get it right first time.

It was also a weekend full of discoveries.

Like I discovered a great CD as Musica for only R33.00 so now I can sing along to a song that tells me not to go chasing waterfalls. Not that I’m going to take the advice, I just like the song.

I discovered that playing snap at Boulders is quite a challenge but do-able.

I discovered that though it doesn’t look it, my couch is eminently suited for napping on, especially if I am determined enough and tired enough and late enough for an appointment.

I made the happy discovery that I don’t know someone as well as I thought I did. That this person possesses some hidden depths and a wicked sense of humour is like Christmas come early. I used to think this person pretty special before, now this person rocks. And I’m fortunate to call this person friend, still.

I also discovered that the people who love me don’t just say nice things about me because they love me. I met someone for the first time on Friday who told me things I never wanted to believe about myself but now I might have to.

And lastly, I think I may have discovered that I do possess a little patience. Not much but enough to get me through this time in my life.

Now if only I could wake up tomorrow and discover that not only does Santa exist, he’s brought me what I want most in life. Now that would be the best discovery of all.

Not so the game of life. For one, there is no definitive set of rules that applies to all of us equally. And two, there are games within games that get played and the rules keep changing.

I hate playing games, says she who proudly calls herself a gamer, and I’m not very good at them. But I still find myself trying to play them, thinking that the prize* at the end is worth it if I can just figure out the rules and play by them. Like I said though, they keep changing.

So I thought to make my own rules and play by those. What good does it do me though when I keep changing my own rules? Silly that I do that but I can’t seem to help myself; I feel as if I am loosing the game and I don’t know what else to do.

I so much want to win but I’m not the only one playing. There are other players all playing by different rules, all wanting to win. I don’t even know who decides who the winner is; I just know that every day the prize seems to be slipping further and further away.

There is always the option of not playing at all except what fun would that be? Besides which, who ever is in charge doesn’t like for me to give up so they throw me the odd tidbit, just a little something to remind me the game isn’t over, that I still have a chance. So off I go again, hoping today is the day a little bit of good luck will come my way and I can play to win again.

Yes, the prize is worth it.

Of course all I may end up with is second prize or a consolation prize or even a booby prize; the game isn’t over till the prize giving, so I keep playing.

* Prize, heart’s desire – call it what you will. There is always this vague notion, this hope that there is something, anything at the end that will make this all worthwhile.